| A Shooting |
[May. 8th, 2009|12:04 pm] |
I think I forgot to say last time, so..
Just before I left for the event in OC, I was contacted by the director whose short-film I'd auditioned for last June/July.
He'd had some probs with the producer, who ran off later on.
Director writes me, saying that he's got funding again, "cash in hand", and he wants me to do the lead.
So.. now I'm studying the part, which looks like it's gonna get rough... Shooting is planned for July, so far. The Dir is looking to come out here this week coming.
Plus, on Wednesday, I got another phonecall from Chambers (The acting coach from the OC event) while I was filling the gas tank. Baaad timing. lol
Now I'm scheduled to get to LA for three days in August.. good gods.
I'm talking with a few ppl out here for extra work. One guy, Thom, knows everybody out here and so he's pretty good about knowing who's decent and legitimate and who's not. He's offered to help out on that side of things. I've been trying to get into working at Dusty's ranch for awhile, (where Thom works)... I like working with horses and I don't mind grimy work... I've been doing it since I got here! lol It just seems that Dusty (the Mayor, actually) usually has too many in his employ at any given time. ah well. A bummer, that is. |
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| Event |
[May. 3rd, 2009|01:57 pm] |
There was far too much going on last weekend for me to relate it all; it was plenty mad.
Alright, back in early Feb (I believe) I answered a notice for an audition being held in Sierra Vista, of all places.
It turned out that it was a talent scouting event, by a company called "ProScout" - bring on the mixed reactions.
I thought "heh, right", but I figured I might as well go through with it, seeing as I got all dressed up.
We watched the presentation, listened to the speechifying etc.. it all sounded great, but what's that usually worth, ah?
What ProScout does is they provide opportunities to perform and meet with top agents, casting directors, acting coaches, etc.
Then they set us up in a line for our initial interviews. I was cracking wise the whole time, it's a great nerve release, y'know?
As we were squeezing into line, they mentioned that they usually have their minds made up even before we get in line. Says I: "Just relax, we've already detemined your fate. No pressure, right?" (paraphrased, I don't recall exactly what I said) I got some chuckles on that one, though.
So I'm reaching back in my mind for my monologue, while trying to stay loose but confident, which wasn't easy seeing as I was still keyed up for a standard audition routine.
Then it was my turn to get interviewed. I was asked a few questions, starting with my name, etc. Then it got to:
-Q) Are you here for modeling?
A) That too, yeah. *slight wry face*
-Q) Acting?
A) Mostly acting. That's what I've been working towards.
-Q) So you're here for both *writes something down*
A) Well, I've had some say I could get into modeling, but.. well.. *glances at self wryly* I'm keeping my options open, anyways. What do I know?
-Q) Can you slate?
** There's a few ways to slate, I wasn't sure which one he meant. I said this. Says he: it's just saying your name.
A) Oh, well, that I can do.. I think. *smartass*
-Q) Do you have a monologue memorized that you could do for me here?
A) ... ... I did until you asked that. I had the monologue from Byron's "Cain" that I used most recently (last summer)
**Have you ever had that happen? You have a piece of information perfect in your mind, until it's asked for, then it vanishes like a popped soap bubble?
Now here I figure I'm plenty fucked.
-Q) But you've trained as an actor, right? You've done shows too?
A) Yeah, back in San Diego, at Grossmont college, and some community theatre. Director of the department in Grossmont was Hank Jordon.
I still figure I'm fcuked.
Scout) Well, you're gonna go over here, talk with this guy, he'll take a photo and we'll get you set up... (paraphrase from memory)
Me) Yeah, ok, ... wait, so I got the callback?
Scout) Yeah.
Ok, that was Feb. They took my pic, and after it was all over, I got to talk with the scouts for a bit, made some cracks, etc... They said "you're a personality". Heh.
Then I had to take some simple snapshot headshots and 3/4 or Full shots, and prepare at least one 30sec monologue, better to have three. I aimed for three, and the ppl at the event in April would help me whittle it down to the one that was best to use in front of the agents and all. Finding decent 30sec monologues isn't as easy as they made it sound. The idea is to show as much acting ability as you can in a tiny span of time. It's also supposed to show your personality. It's not just can you do a character, but more, dare I say it, if you are a character. My words, but that's not far from what they were laying out.
From what the scouts said, most of the rules (they're more actual, guidelines) I learned seemed to be out the window for this event. Not hard to accept, since this was for film ppl, and I started off with theatre. So I found some decent 1min monologue books, pieces taken from plays, and I tore them in half, roughly.
I found two comedies that tweaked my interest. There was one piece I found online, that was a drama, written by somebody under a net-alias that I can't recall right now. I emailed that person, and they said to basically do whatever I need to do to the piece; he wrote it for ppl to win roles.
So I got my three pieces ready, performances down pat, worked out like crazy, everything, and I got to OC on Fri. Apr. 24th.
Inside I was insanely nervous, but I'm used to using that onstage to push through the performance.. just this was a constant 3 day performance, as myself (Ironic, huh?), just with a tiny bit more confidence, because you didn't know who the agents were at the start. lol
I ran into one of the ProScout guys as I was checking in, named Tony. Good guy, always smiling (believably). He told me where everything was going to be, and when Fri. registration was starting. I went down there, and talked to the PS guys; I did 2 of my monologues, he didn't even listen to the 3rd (which I thought was probably the funniest), and he adulterated the comedy piece more, which made make less sense to me, but hey, and the one drama piece. Then he handed them back to me with a "choose one" kinda comment. Enh.. no pressure relief there. lol
That night, I got no real sleep, since I was running through my damn monologues and trying to reprogram the back of my brain. Not that that night was much different from the previous couple weeks.
We went in, listened to the speakers, Brian Marcus, Greg Brown (BMG), Chambers Stevens (LA, (Acting Coach)), Craig Holzberg (Avalon Artists) then lunch break.
Then we listened to David McDermott (Jordan Gill Dornbaum), then we got some young stars up there being interviewed, then came Didiayer Snyder (LA Models), and Brian Marcus wrapped everything up.
During all this, starting at 10:30, they started calling us out in groups of 50 to go do our first performance of our monologues for Chambers Stevens and Danielle from Proscout. I was #708, so I had lots of extra time to work up my damn monologues.
When I was finaly in line to do my damn piece, I'm running them both through my head figuring I'd make my decision at the last minute. That's exactly what I did. They say "drama is easy, but comedy is hard", so... I went with the comedy piece at the last second.
It was vulgar, vaguely sleazy (unless you read the rest of the monologue), and I saw an odd kinda bright-eyed suprised expression on Chambers and Danielle.
I think I heard some chuckles behind me, but I was so focused and nervous that I could've been tripping.
Anyway, I went overtime and didn't get to lay out the punchline (it wasn't exactly a joke, but you get my point). Again, I figured I fucked up.
Shortly thereafter, Mr. Stevens comes up to me in the registration hall, and says that I got the callback, that he wants to get me out to LA, and that "we're gonna make it happen". Using true LA language no less! lol He walked off saying I've got real potential.
Then came the workshops. Figuring that I should get as much advantage out of this thing as I can, I went to all of them. Learn what you can, while you can.
First was by Didiayer Snyder. First off, she's an absolute sweetheart.
She was showing tricks to win over agents; it was mostly about posture stuff. I'm usually really good about my posture and all.
For some reason, the hotel had the AC set to 'Antarctic', and I was in a light fitted shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I fought it off for a long while, but at last, I couldn't hold it off anymore, and I wound up standing with my arms crossed against the cold, trying not to shiver.
She noticed my arms were crossed, told me that's a "closed off" posture, sort of a "don't talk to me" kinda stance. It didn't matter that I was making eye-contact like I usually do, and staying involved in the practice convo. I mentioned the cold to her later on, she said I should get a warmer top. I would have, if I'd been going to Flagstaff or Seattle. lol You don't usually associate California and 'cold' like it was in the hotel. In five years, I'd forgotton that Ca is an air-conditioning junkie.
Then came David McDermott's workshop. This guy talks so bleedin' fast... good gods! He's an agent from NY. I'd have guessed NY even if he hadn't said it himself. Jayzus... I was holding on by my teeth to follow and assimilate all he was saying... no way in hell could I write fast enough to keep up. lol
His was about auditioning for Commercials and such.
After that was another workshop with Chambers Stevens, on 'effective auditioning'. Teaching us how to deal with an agent or casting director, mistakes to avoid, things like that. One of these was: when you walk into an agent or CD's office, keep talking! Don't bore them with silence. He assigned us to find 5 things to talk about (about ourselves) with the agents.
After this workshop, he had a private Q/A session with most everyone who sat in the workshop. It went on until after 11:00, the line barely moving.
I asked about the "keep talking" thing, looking for hints. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be the master of TMI. I'm a naturally open person, and usually i have to fight that.. but here they're saying 'be open, friendly, and confident' but 'don't turn the agent into a friend' meaning, don't be too open. lol Walkin' that line...
Sunday:
First there was another workshop early in the morning, basically to practice the runway portion (everyone had to walk it, ok?) It was just normal walking, no crazy shit. The runway portion was just to let the agents see you. Say your name n' number, walk to the first X, eyecontact with the agents, walk to 2nd X, repeat, 3rd X, repeat, then out and down. No es una problema, si?
Then came the main event itself: Opening announcements, more speakers, then the three reviews: Runway; Photo; and Acting, which was only for those who got callbacks after their first peformance. I lucked out, thank you Lugus! lol
The photo part was just walking through the inside of the agents' tables with your two pics in hand, and talking etc.
Then there was the acting portion, and all of us who got callbacks lined up yet again, with the little kids up front.
I was a little freaked out on this part, for more reasons than you might imagine. Like I said, my piece was kinda vulgar, and I generally don't like being vulgar around little ones. I have no illusions that most have heard it all already, but I don't care. They announced that the rest of the monologues would have more adult content and language, and most of the little ones and parents left.. except for a few. I stepped out of line to carefully bring up the announcement to one mother, and she replied "que?" Oh shit... now I have to remember how to explain this in Spanish, which I haven't been able to use in years. The young lady beside her there explained what I was getting at, and the mother threw a shocked and half-angry look at me, but the point got across, and she took her little one (bilingual kid) out of the room shortly thereafter. It's silly, but anything that helps ease the head to focus, helps.
I got up to do my piece, ran it a little faster without losing the force, avoided the mistake I made before ( - adding an edited out word or two), and almost got the last word out. I latched on to one lady agent's eyes during the piece, which added to the funny a little. I saw the same kind of look in the faces of some of the agents while I delivered my piece, and I heard some more chuckles and titters... I think. It's completely different from when I'm just cracking at Sabbat or somesuch, where I can just go with my instincts and improvise to increase the laughs...
Then came lunch.. I finally got to really eat. There was a buffet opened for the PS ppl, and I overfilled the thing. That plus nerves... not healthy.
Finally, they read off the names of the agencies and the numbers of those who got called back.
No joy.
What's weird was that quite a few people came up to me as though they were certain I got a callback. Even some of the Proscout employees, Tony being one.
But the speakers had pointed out that sometimes it's a matter of timing; maybe they don't have anything for your particular look right now, etc... And honestly I can buy that.
They also pointed out that many of the ppl they've discovered got zero callbacks their first time through.. and many on the next time round.
At the very end, I went upstairs and brought my guitar down to the registration area. Talked with Tony and Christopher Snyder, a musician and Didiayer's husband. I would up playing a couple piecces and singing a couple songs. Got some looks of interest from most in earshot when I rumbled out the songs. That was very cool.
So, who knows? Chambers Stevens, who's said to have lots of connections, seems interested. We've written each-other a couple times this last week.
I'm trying to be the right kind of pain in the ass to keep this opportunity open and moving.
I'm busting my ass now even more, trying to see to it that I can get to OC again this December...
É mo Scéal. (That's my story)
~Eoghan
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| We are not for harvesting! |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|10:59 pm] |
I feel sick.
I just did a search for "mongol prayers" on google, just curious to see some examples of how they go about it.
I'm not exactly a religious person, but I'm interested in religions and ancient traditions, and I sometimes use some of the tools of religion, but not in the same way that religious people would use them.
Prayer for instance. I like some of the poetic aspects, I also see it as a means of getting my head straight and focusing past the usual daily mental garbage.
Doesn't matter what symbols I use, really. But I've strayed.
I did this search, and the first thing on the results page was www.harvestingmongols.com.
Harvesting. Mongols. As though their nonchristian status makes them roughly equivalent to a field of grass, to be mowed down.
I wanted to puke, I wanted to fly into a rage...
Who the fuck do these conquest happy sons of bitches think they are? (I know the answer, it was a rhetorical question for stress relief.)
How many Peoples must this religion swallow, assimilate, and shit out again?!
I tried to find an email link on their page. If they want persecution from a heathen, I'll give it to them!
I'd even happily sign up to take the job of Antichrist if it meant getting these global-assimilationists shut down!
I mean, shit.. I'm already going to hell... might as well make a career of it, aye?
I find some hope for christians when I look at those who focus more on the teachings of the one they call the Christ, by which I mean the sermon on the mount, the parable of the Good Samaritan (most folk don't get the point of that one), the "go forth and sin no more" line, etc.. as opposed to the dogma(s) that came with the power hungry organizations that wrapped themselves in the name and story of Josh of nazareth. Fuck!
They love to cite the line where Josh tells the stupefied apostles to spread his teachings. I don't see that he meant to spread the bullshit that's been spread for 2000 years now.
Whenever I hear of "harvesting" people... I can help but feel as I do. It's wrong, it's evil, and it should be stopped. (If it can be fully stopped...)
I just hope that some of the Mongols take offence (or threat) from these people, and respond in a forceful, traditional manner.. something along the lines of "back away, or I'll mount your head on my corall fence. Take the book with you, and don't talk to my kids."
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| Musings on a Monarch. |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|05:51 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | politics | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Computer Tower Fan | ] |
King Georgie and his merry men. There is debate happening about whether or not to pardon members of this outgoing administration. Many of those support pardoning cite president Ford pardoning Nixon in an attempt to get the country to move forward. Personally, I see that pardoning those in question as being the worst move this country could make for our international image. Georgie and company have committed crime after crime in this country and abroad over these eight years. We are already viewed as having double standards, where in many cases we condemn actions that we ourselves have comitted. It's even worse considering the volitile issue of the united states using torture to obtain information from prisoners. "The United States doesn't torture." But we do utilize methods often classified as torture when it suits us. Whoops! There goes our Moral High-Ground! Ah, it's alright.. it's not like we were using it anyway. There are people all over the world calling our King a war-criminal. If I had gotten to writing this post earlier, say, two weeks ago, I could have researched and listed all the crimes that've been laid atop the collective head of this administration. I'm not sure any one person could list them all without missing any. If our new Headman were to pardon Georgie, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Condoleeza, Wolfowitz, et.al., it would further damage our already tattered international standing. It would make us seem to the rest of the angry world as though we don't care what mess was made abroad during these eight years. Yes, one of the big bad things about Georgie and company is that they spent most of these years wasting our time and resources overseas while we fell apart here. I am not saying that Obama should do that same thing. Top priority is fixing matters at home; that's a given. But it has been a stated intention of the incoming president to repair our international standing, and regain some of the respect we once held. If that is one of his intentions, then pardoning the heads of this outgoing administration would be counter-productive. Looking back, I believe that pardoning Nixon was an unsupportable move, and I don't see that Nixon had done the same amount or degree of damage as this group that's leaving Washington tomorrow. Now, we should also consider the damage this deluded little man and his companions have done to us as a people and to our constitution. McCarthyism, Illegal wiretaps, Executive Privilege, Carnivore, Papers Please!, Incarceration without charges, Cronyism, Fear Mongering, lies that brought about the needless deaths of thousands of American troops.... on and on. In his final news conference, there were a few times when it seemed Georgie was trying to come across as the kindly national father "I love you all, my children" his eyes and smile seemed to say. Check the video of the conference online, you'll see what I mean. And that's exactly how he's been treating us for eight long years. I can't entirely blame him for thinking of us that way, after seeing how our country was duped and manipulated twice in a row. He's been saying for a while now that he "made the tough decisions". His decisions made things consistently worse. If he had been in any business other that driving the nation, he would have been replaced long ago by someone with the competence needed for the job. But, he was in washington, where the rules differ in strange and wonderous ways. Yes, I'm mostly saying Georgie, but I'm using his name as a category heading for the whole group, including Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, Condi, Wolfowitz, Gonzales, et.al. Those top three are especially important. These people can't be allowed to slip under the floorboards without being prosecuted. If we want this nation to move forward, we need to take these individuals, and use them to show that our legal system can work. Then we can move forward, without any questionmark left hanging over our heads. Then we can see about getting them all to the Hague. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2009|06:14 pm] |
Shit! Piss! Fuck! Cunt! Cocksucker! Motherfucker!
Thank you George Carlin, 6 out of seven helps a lot.
I feel much better now.
Gotta love this neighborhood.
I just went out to feed the horses about an hour ago, and found something mysterious... Comet (the red one) was jacket-less, and said jacket was hanging on one of the poles of the vet station.
Brand new jacket, maybe about a week old.
The vet station is three vertical white poles, each with one or two those little cup-like horizontal pole attachments. The horizontal poles are scattered, because whoever set up the damn station originally was as dim as whoever built the house here, because the vertical poles are just too widely set that they needed tension cables to keep them together, thus holding the horizontal poles in place. Those tension cables rusted and broke a long time ago, sometime before we got here. Anyway, it never gets used. Jack and comet don't much like being tied too close together, so when we need to tie them both (for getting the coats on, or for veterinary stuff), Jack get's tied at the VS, while Comet get's tied near the other side of the corral.
The jacket itself. Two chest straps, two belly straps, and a tail cord to help hold the rear in place.
The Tear:
Near a seam of the chest part, there was a hole torn through both the outer canvas material and the inner lining. Not that the seam was torn, but the material just in from the seam. It's nonsensical for there to be a tear (cut?) in that part of the jacket, looking like it does, without any damage to Comet's own chest.
That hole was over one of those horiz. pole attachments (whatever you call them). The tear was clean looking, not like he had been rubbing it against one of the T-posts, in which case it would have had a lot of scratch marks. It was just the tear, no scratch marks.
The chest straps:
The chest straps were detached in weird ways. One side has the straps with the holes for varying tightness. The other has the short loop straps with the metal buckles. One of those loops was still looped and stitched together, the buckle and all still attached to the variable strap, but the loop was completely un-stitched from the other side. The other loop was halfway stitched to the other side, but it was no longer a loop, so much as just another loose strap. It's buckle was still attached to it's variable strap. After running possibility after possibility through my head, I can't figure how the fcuk he could have exerted enough stress to tear the stitching on those straps enough that they'd come detached. I'm still running considerations and angles through my head, but none make sense.
The biggest mystery:
The belly straps were still buckled to the other side of the jacket. I had those straps tightened about as much as I would have tightened a saddle's belly strap.
There's no way for a horse to have stepped out of that; those belly straps alone, plus the tail cord should have held the damn jacket on him.
This morning when I fed them, Comet had his jacket on. He spent most of the day like he usually does, wandering out in the middle of the corral looking for things to munch on. I hadn't seen him anywhere near any of the fences except when I was feeding him, and his jacket was still on him around 4:30 or so.
I'm a little pissed off, because everything seems to suggest that someone came and got it off him, fucking up the jacket at the same time, so it's no longer usable. Have to get it restitched and all.
It gets fucking cold out here at night in the winter. In the mornings, I'm often breaking ice in the water-trough, inch thick or more.
So whoever was messing around with our horses was threatening their health.
There's a kid who lives across the street, just north-east of here. I see him often times with some kind of rifle, maybe just a pellet gun or something, but I watch how he uses the thing, and we've worried that he'll fuck around and hurt one of the horses. His mother is nuts, and seems to have the belief that he can do no wrong... a belief that almost assures trouble. I'm already thinking that he was probably the one who shot at me from the bushes a couple years back, and gave me this lovely scar where my right eyebrow meets the socket.
Comet's wearing Jack's old jacket, which fits way too loose even at it's tightest settings. It'll do some good for tonight.
If it's that kid who did it, I can't do much about it. If it's someone of age, I'd love to be free to explain things to them, in ways they won't fail to understand.
I probably couldn't do that either, but I'd very much love to.
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| Happy New Year! |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|05:22 pm] |
Just wishing everyone the best tonight, and for the year to come!
May it be far better than the last one! (and the seven before that...)
Bliain Úr Shona Daoibh!
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| Holiday |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|12:23 am] |
Hi
I've been crazy busy, as I figure everyone else has been.
Just want to take a sec to wish everyone a merry Christmas, Yule, Nollaig, Navidad, Chanuka, Kwanza, Consumerist-mas...
Have a great one no matter what y'call it. ;-) |
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| Dreamings |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Alright, I had a bizarre fucking dream around 0-dark-30 on Friday morning. At least to me it was bizarre.
First, you know how you can become aware at any point in a dream, but you can have all the back-story or motivations in your head as though you'd been living in that dream the whole time? When you're dreaming, the dream gives you your role, sort of. I guess that's the best way to say it. It's not until after you're closer to awake that you think: "Ok, Why was I looking for the purple dog in the ice building???" In the dream, anything can seem sensible... scary huh?
I'm in a silver/grey convertible with whitish upholstery. I have no idea why I notice some stuff in dreams, and don't notice other stuff.
I'm on a road that's not exactly a freeway. It looks more freeway than highway, has sidewalls etc..
So, I'm driving, in a good mood, trying to keep a healthy distance between myself and the cars behind me, so they don't get too pissed off, thereby pissing me off.
It feels more west coast, even though there's not particularly anything to show that it's west-coast.
Here's where it get's a little funny.
Kinda suddenly, the road narrows from about 4 lanes to something closer to 1 1/2 lanes. Very irreglular.
I'm in an area that looks more european, with odd streets and tight packed buildings.
The road ahead of me has dwindled down to an extremely narrow alley. On my right is a wall of buildings, and another narrow alley. The only choice is a left turn. There's a street sign that says either Lindst, or Lindt, or Linda... something like that. Things like that are hard to hold onto as you wake up.
There are lots of people around, crossing the street, always perfectly spaced so you can't inch up to make the left.
I have to sort of back and fill my way into the lane next to my 'kinda sorta' half a lane. Then I settle in for some people-watching.
I look to my left and see, of all things, a fuckin' llama, happily chewing it's cud. The damn thing almost looks like it's smiling. It's standing there in the street, at the line, as a car would that was waiting for a light to change.
I point to the llama, saying something like "hey, check that out! Dig the llama over there!" lol. Now who I'm saying this to, is a real good question. I had been alone in the car, but right there and then, it was like I was pointing it out to someone in the car with me.
The next nanosecond, the universe is once again as it was, and I'm happily alone in the car, as though I'd never been otherwise.
Then, it's as though a traffic light had changed, and the llama starts across the paved square... and keeps accelerating to a blur... down the newly existant road where there had been a wall of buildings.
Again, that segment of the universe resets, and there is no road to my right.
I look to my left again, and on the sidewalk beside me, are two strange very brown animals. Legs similar to a llama or a deer, trunk is a little shorter front to back than either of those would be. They had the sloping back somewhat like a giraffe. Their necks were long and strangely flexible, since they were twisting and bending them into curlicues. Their heads were strange, gryphon like... (yeah, I had to relate them to something mythological, but that's all I could get.)
One would look at me, the other would do something implausible with it's neck, then it'd start to clean itself. In some ways they were birdlike.
As I finally seemed to have opportunity to inch forward to start my turn, I became aware of an odd rhythmic mumbling sound, and a chalky-dusty smell and taste on the air, all to my right. So I looked back to my right and saw a hindu acetic, (or maybe an Australian aboriginal holy-man.) chanting and performing an odd full-body squat, stand, clap gesture of some sorts, always punctuated by clapping his hands together in my direction, sending a small cloud of chalky dust at me. He sounded concerned, but for some reason I smiled at him, put my hands together, bowed from the shoulders up and said some sort of "thank you" in the same language he was using. When I first woke up I thought it was Hindi, or something related, but now I'm not so sure...
As I turned to look ahead and to my left again for the turn, I notice two fuckin' Christi brownrobes standing in front of me, tonsures and all, hands clasped and mumbling prayers fervently, both facing in my direction.
Here it gets vague; I can't be sure of some elements here, so it's hard to know where to begin and how to take it from here.
I recall feeling like someone was behind me now wanting me to get moving, but I don't recall actually seeing or even really hearing that someone.
I'm not sure if I said this, if I 'said' it to that anonymous person behind me, or if I just thought it, but something like "I can't, I've got someone in front of me, can't you see?" had something to do with the scene here.
I look at the brownrobe on my right, (he's fugly, face twisted strangely but not unnaturally or surreally.).
Now, I have to say, all this since the Hindu/Abboriginal Holyman happened a lot faster than it might seem when written out. It all happens in the time it takes for me to turn my head, really.
The order of dialogue is vague here too; there's some question of what got said first, etc..
Now, still in a pleasant kind of way, I say something to the effect of "hey, I need to go now...."
The fugly brownrobe monk kind of snaps at me, "Shut up! Stop praying."
I ask, in the same breath, something like "Why are you in my way?"
Saith the fugly: "Because you're gonna die! Today!"
And then he goes on praying...
And that's where I lose the thing. The movie goes on, but I'm escorted out of the theatre, into wakefulness. It sucks.
I see little to nothing in this that makes any sort of sense, and I'm used to dealing with dreams.
It's another of those times where you have to look at the universe and say "come on, what the fuck, gimme a break...", or something to that effect. heh
Had to figure something to post, so I post a fucking dream... lol
Oh, plus, I got what seems to be a good chance on a location for filming. It's just one scene, but it's supposed to be set in a bank, which presents it's own set of problems. But it depends on when the director can get stuff back up and running, as to whether this opportunity will work out or not.
That be it.
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| GeneGeneration Premier Tucson |
[Jun. 9th, 2008|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Drained but Determined | ] |
Another long post from me, here below.
Last night (Saturday 06-07-08) was bizarre, but in a good way.
I'd been waiting for this premier since I'd gotten an add request from the GeneGeneration profile, and traded some messages with Pearry... I think...
I'd enough money to make a run into Tucson, to catch the premier.
I found the theatre, with only 10 minutes to spare for parking before everything was supposed to start. Fortunately, the limo carrying the vips was fashionably late.
I brought the camera and made a nuisance of meself by the red-carpet.
That's how it felt anyway. lol
I got some lovely shots of Bai Ling (Ling Bai?), and some not-so-lovely shots because I had to hold the camera at arms length above my head oftentimes, and it's hard to keep the camera steady in that position. Plus the lighting instruments had gremleins, because at least one of them kept turning off at the wierdest times. I almost wanted to punch the damn thing, but I couldn't reach it... :P Just kidding.
Anyway, it was a cool experience.
From there I went inside the theatre, and stood around for awhile holding the camera, while trying to figure the best place to plant myself for the movie.
I wound up sitting next to a lady named Jessica, and we talked a little bit before the happenings happened. It turns out that she knows Pearry. I later found out that almost everyone knows Pearry. Makes Tucson almost seem like a small town... lol
A minute or so later, I had someone thump the back of my seat, but I ignored it, figuring that it was someone pasing by trying to get somewhere. It's almost impossible to move in a crowded theatre without knocking into someone at some point or other. After I'd forgotten about that, I heard a voice right close behind me, and that got me to looking around. I saw a guy in a wheelchair behind me, who started apologizing for running into my seat. I smiled and said that that's not why I was looking around; it was because I heard a voice really close behind me, "so when I looked at you, it was more a case of 'Hi, nice to meetcha', instead of 'Hey! You knocked into my seat asshole!' >:-& No worries at all." ;-)
Maybe it was a case of touchy audio technology, but it was a little hard to follow everything that was being said up on the stage, so I'm still a little iffy about who was who and who did what.
Some of the photos I got from before the start of the movie are blurry, unfortunately. In particular, there was a gentleman in western wear, (black pants, black western jacket and black hat). This man would not stand still even for a nanosecond! lol Everytime I thought his movement suggested he might be about to stand still, I'd click, but he'd never have stopped, and the picture was blurry as hell. heh Ah well.
Then the movie started. Overall impression or emotional response; I loved it!
It's a very stylized movie, made with some broad strokes.
I don't accidentally give anything away ahead of time, so I won't say more now, other than: Go See This When and Where You Can!
After the movie there was a fun question-and-answer session.
I almost wish I'd had a video cam with me, because there was alot said that it'll take me a while to recall properly, if I ever can.
As far as memorable points, I loved hearing Bai Ling describing something at least close to somthing I've described to friends for a long time. She was talking about how they (?) would come before filming some scenes and they'd ask "Are you ready?" And she describing how she's thinking (or actually saying?) "Am I ready for what??", but then she'd say "Yeah I'm ready!" and step off toward the unknown hurdles of the day. That's how I got through my scenes onstage, back in California; someone would come up and say "Hey, your cue's comin' up. You ready?" and the first things out of my mouth were along the lines of "fuck no! Let's do it..." and I'd jump into the scene, using that gut-twisting sensation to power me through the scene, so I could get offstage and have a minute or two to freak before my next scene. Better to do it offstage, aye? lol
Uncertainty (in a broad sense) or simple nervousness plus determination can be a powerful combination. It's kinda funny in a way...
Bai Ling got Pearry to show off a Crow tat on his back, to prove that he's the biggest fan of The Crow.
I found out that the guy in the wheelchair is Alex Nowak.
After the Q&A session, people lined up on the western side to get autographs on the posters and GeneGeneration comics we'd gotten on the way into the theatre before the movie.
Got to talking with a guy who said he'd been working in China teaching English.
There was an elder lady behind me who had family in Tombstone long ago.
And a woman ahead of the three of us who also knew Pearry, and who's husband had been a lawyer in Tombstone before he retired. Said how once, in court, a cop got up and started to cross examine the witness. her husband objected, saying "Has this man gone to law school? Does this man have a bar licence?"
Then when the redfaced cop wouldn't back down, her husband asked the judge to remove him from the courtroom. The DA then became a redfaced fury, and wound up being ejected also.
The story reminded me of the cops when I first got here. I got a fine warm happy feeling from picturing this classy way of dealing with the local law enforcement of the time. There was some very fucked-up shite out here. There still is, but the cops seem better at least.
When I got up to the table, I spoke with Pearry and Mat Olson (I think) of Bloodfire Studios. When I mentioned a couple Bloodfire Titles that I knew from back in San Diego, Pearry started lightly pegging him on Kindergoth. "It still haunts you". (or something to that effect)
When I got to Bai Ling, she smiled at me and said "I like your hair... It's very straight." lolol What does one say to that?? I smiled back and said "uh, thank you." Oh I was a wit last night, huh? lol
Then I got lost trying to find Club Congress from the theatre. Gassed up ($3.89gal unleaded?!?!?) at a CircleK, and finally got to the Club, parking in a temporary lot, graveled and fenced.
I walked to the club, got a pint inside, and wandered around for awhile, looking for ppl I recognize.
Recognized some faces that I had no names for, but nobody I'd met.
After a while, I met Alex again. He says that if I see Pearry, I should tell him that "the cripple" is looking for him... He said it better than I recall, and I don't like to paraphrase too much.
I was looking for Pearry myself, so now I had even more reason to find him. I was looking to talk about casting matters, who to contact, what to send, etc...
This is what I've been told that one must do if you want into the business, even though it feels unnatural to me. lol. Just another role, I guess. heh
I found even more people who knew the man and gave all kinds of advice, like "if you need to talk about casting, talk to Stephanie."
Later I found Stephanie, and Pearry, back with Alex in the main lobby area.
Bai Ling was sitting on a couch with Pearry and Stephanie, with a lot of huge bodyguard types standing around. While I was waiting my opportunity, I saw this huge guy I recognized from the theatre.
I said that as the shortest guy in the club, I should probably meet the tallest one, right? (I can exaggerate a bit, for silly...)
His name's Crow, I found out, and he's another friend of Pearry's. Popular guy. lol
I told Stephanie about my lack of headshots, and all. "I'm just doing what I can, here" I said.
She was really cool, with one of the most natural smiles I've seen in a long time.
She got the idea to take a picture of me right there. I did stand still for it. (That's an in-joke) We talked some more, for a couple minutes. I was uncomfortable as hell, because it's been a long time since I've been around a crowd like that, so I was cracking jokes every other breath. Strangely enough, they seemed to work a lot of the time. lol Usually I'm too fuckin' dry or dark in my humour, but it was somewhat working last night.
I'd gone in the dance area and bounced around a bit. I got all sweatty and nasty. It really sucked. It's been soo long since I've gotten to make a fool of myself on the dance floor somewhat regularly. lol
People were now standing around taking more pictures of Herself, and some of them were getting up and posing beside her for photos. I figured "what the hell", and took a couple more. I even managed to get a photo with she and I in it. After I asked her for the photo, which she agreed to, I saw a guy nearby and asked if he'd take my camera and get the shot for me. He said "only if you'll do the same for me with mine!" I said "Oh.. nah, I can't do that.." He laughed and took the shot. I thought we'd stand beside eachother, but she put an arm around my shoulders... I was tempted to mention that "uhm... I'm kinda.. damp, y'know? you might not want to..", but then the nice guy was taking the picture, so I closed my mouth and stood happy. I felt like a cruddy desert lizard next to a golden puma... lol
She herself is incredibly gorgeous, as though it needs saying. heh
I took the camera and the photo for the man who had just done the same for me.
He and I got to talking. His name is Nathan Ginn. He's into various artistic endeavours. He mentioned that he's into acting, and I asked about this. He laughed and said that "there's not a lot of call for big asian guys". I said that "Yeah, well, there's not alot of call for funny-looking runty micks either, but hey, here we are." A good laugh followed.
He's also into casting, it turns out, for various projects. I got his card, have to e-mail him this evening. We got to talking acting and film, music, then historical shit. lol
I went back through, saying bye to Stephanie, Pearry, Alex and all, making particularly sure that Stephanie had my contact info.
When I got back in the car, I found two ppl in the lot who I asked about the best way to get to the I-10 Eastbound. Tucson is a mess of detours now, and they constantly change, so it's hard to get anywhere unless you know the whole city.
They asked if I was coming from the party. I said I was. The lady said "It's pretty dead, huh?". I said that it wasn't, honestly, what with getting to talk to casting people and directors and other actors, plus other darkly freaks too, I was having such a good time that I was tempted to have another pint, which would've led to another.. and I've about 75mi to drive yet.
From here it went like this::
She asked "you're an actor?!"
"um, yeah, whenever I can be, not much opportunity out east."
"Ah! Well you've gotta sign something!"
"...hunh?"
"You're an actor, so you've gotta sign something for me!"
"... ... "
She roots through her bag for a minute.
"I've not been in anything, y'know... It's been years, and even that was small time stage stuffs!"
"Yeah, so?"
"..."
She leans in the open passenger-side window.
"..ooo kay.." *chuckle*
I step out and pull out a pen, shaking my head, for me brain is boggling.
"It's wierd, it still feels like I'm gypping you here, somehow.."
"You never know! You might "make it" someday, as you say. Just remember us little people when you do. I'll be a waitress ..." (Her words got hard to understand, as she was now talking into her bag.)
She found a slim white box and handed it to me.
As I looked it over, she says "I love that perfume!"
"Ah, so that's it.. I was wondering what this is.."
She says "It's drugs", so I play like I'm snorting something out of the box.
I sign it. lol
Then I get directions back to the freeway.
Near home, I'm still chuckling about the bizarre night. I'm driving about 30mph on a 35 zone, since it's about 2:30am and there's no hurry.
A bunny races out from my left side of the road. I hit the breaks and try to swerve, but the thing's timing and direction were impeccable, and I heard a *thump-crikk* noise. I pull over, turn the car around, and see the poor thing trying to crawl with only it's front paws. I whip it around again, so as to block other cars that might be coming down the road. I find one of my knives in the back of the car, a 'black widow' throwing knife; not the best for what I have to do.
When I get to the thing, it's still, seems like it's dead. I tap it with the knife, figuring that if it is, thank you gods and I'll take it off the road.
It's still breathing, but barely. Despite that, it's still giving no response to anything.
I try to cut it's throat, seeing how close it is to death already, it should be a quick way to go. Turns out it's not fast enough for me, I don't want to make it die over minutes. It's breathing is even slower now, barely noticeable, but it's still here.
I take it off the road, six paces into the brush, and lay it down.
I look for a sec, then I break it's neck at the base of the skull. That's the quickest way to go. Then I spent roughly ten minutes making my prayers (if you don't know me; yeah, I'm almost religious in certain respects like these.) over the little thing. I won't go through my bleedin' ritual shit, it comes a little different for each situation.
The wierdest thing was that as rotten as that situation was, it didn't fuck me up as badly as I expected it to. Sure I was sad, but it didn't ruin the whole hopeful feeling of the preceding hours. huh.
If I were to look at this from a wierdly symbolic standpoint, maybe this'll be a shift for the better. It's said that something has to end, for something else to begin.
Doesn't make the rabbit issue any nicer, but it's one of many ways to look at the whole night.
Well, here I is... What next, huh? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2008|10:58 am] |
Nudge nudge.
Ok. Just some recent incidents.
A couple weeks ago, I was commissioned to do up a menu-flyer for a the owner of a local mexican restaurant.
I got it all up to his specifications and got a great response from the guy.
He says he was just closing for the day, because he had another job he had to get to (he also lays brick, etc..), and that he'd pay me tomorrow.
The next time I manage to catch the guy, he needs his money for an emergency trip to San Diego, and he'd be back in 3 days.
The Wednesday he was supposed to be back by, the restaurant was closed the whole day.
When I finally see him again, he says that he doesn't have the money again, that it all went on his 'vacation'.
I say "thought you said it was an emergency trip".
He looks half-sheepish and says "well, it was, but it was also three days away from work, so..." **he chuckles**
I give him a while, then I go in to talk with him again.
Now he says that "I'm moving the whole business to Sierra Vista. I told you about that."
No, he didn't, and I tell him that he didn't. He looks sheepish.
The price was just $100, since it was supposed to be a temporary flyer, until he got his liquor licence, at which point I would be doing his new menus etc.. as per our agreement. Admittedly, the food ain't that great. If he goes to Sierra Vista, the other taco stands will eat him alive, unless he finds someone else to do the food prep. So even if he does get settled in SV, I doubt the money will ever happen. So it goes.
I'm still working, such as it is. A little here, a little there, but just floating.
Hey, you say you need help fixing a car? Cool.
Need some space cleared? Sure.
Help find your loose horse, talk him down and get a rope on him? No problem.
Help building a shed? Ok.
Here's some possible good news, if I dare to look at it as such.
I'm doing an audition next Saturday in Tucson. I'll even get some money out of it if I get cast. Plus, this theatre is looking for musicians and singers. That could be a more steady thing. If I'm not cast in anything, then they'll almost always need singers and instrumentalists. If that works, it could be another step away from this place.
Honestly, I do love the area out here. It's magnificent, and both the Huachucas and the Dragoons (with the Stronghold) are not too terribly far away, even considering gas etc. It's more the things of man out here that kinda suck.
Not that I like to talk about the weather, but the winds out here are getting up to epic proportions. We've been having non-stop heavy winds, for weeks now. Winds that are strong enough to shove a horse off his feet if he turns just slightly wrong. Winds that can send the car skidding. The only variation has been between high winds, and higher winds. And yet, there are still people riding ATVs etc on the tracks out on Charleston rd. Maybe that explains all the ambulance sirens I've been hearing lately...
Also, for the past two days, I step outside to feed the horses, and it feels like, tastes like, and sounds like a fucking November storm!
One day we were in the high 80's-90's, the next we were down in the low 60's high 50's during the day.
That's pretty much it, aside from the usual bullshit.
I am still reading your Livejournals, usually it's late at night before I die for a few hours, that I get a chance.
Right now, I'm inside with a few minutes to relax because of the Lawrence of Arabia scene that's happening outside.
I still haven't gotten Photobucket to let me upload pics, else I'd put some up showing the sandstorms etc. |
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| Forming up |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|02:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Comfortably buzzing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Siouxsie - Fall From Grace | ] |
Had an unplanned jam session with a neighbor, who I found out is looking to put a band together.
This is even better, considering he's copo with the notion of experimentation, instead of looking for a quick-buck cover band situation.
This is all especially gorgeous, considering the recent news of getting a place in the improv workshops in Tucson....
Spent the evening drinking decent bourbon, and jamming off of random chord progressions, sometimes bluesy, sometimes a little jazzy, other times only barely classifiable.
I was happily suprised that my fingers worked the way I wanted them to.. and that I was able to sink into the grooves we were coming up with.
Sometimes I'd be on lead and Chad would do the rhythm, other times I'd slip into the rhythm and he'd come up with the tatsy riffs.
Over all it seemed pretty evensided, which I absolutely loved. Sometimes it's absolute perfection, being able to enjoy the rhythm section while someone else does the top layer, and the rest of the time, it's fantastic to find your hands sliding over the fretboard in the fancy top-layer lead stuffs...
We're planning on getting together on Sunday at the Crystal Palace for a session. Yeah, that's in town. Also, the pendejo who'd refused quite a few times to step oustide with me is likely going to be involved... so I'm prepping for an interesting time on Sunday. Chad says it should be no prob, which is cool, but I'll accept it once it's obviously happening as advertised, and not before.
Early this morning (Wednesday morning), I'd driven me mother into the hospital for the final part of this edition of her thyroid tests. Not long ago, the VA said first "you need these tests, and we'll do them", then they said "our policy and regulations don't allow us to cover these tests", now it's as though they'd never said the second line... The VA would be hilarious... if it only worked a little better than it does. As it is, it's pretty tragic overall.
Got home, checked my email, and almost fell asleep on the bleedin' keyboard. lol
Crashed for a bit, and had trouble waking up fully from the midday crash. That's as usual, which is why I usually avoid crashing while the sun's up.
Foggy headed with Headache the rest of the day. So of course, I spend the evening drinking bourbon. lol I'd take comforably drunk over foggy headache anytime. Plus, the headache etc had pretty much gone by a couple minutes into the jam.
So... Now I've got commitment to an Improv troupe, which is plenty crazy, and a commitment to a jam in Tombstone on Sunday.
As long as I've access to a couple pints, I'm probably copo. LOL Nah... won't need 'em, I've got my guitar! heh |
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| News |
[Jan. 20th, 2008|12:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
Good news! (at least from my stand point)
Months and months ago, I'd put in an email to a local (Tucson) Improv Troupe to see about getting into one of their workshops.
That's how these people run their auditions.
Old style auditions for the troupe meant holding the troupe back a bit while the newbie gets with it, finding the rhythm of the other players.
This is not a good thing.
They said they were full and it'd be another 8-10 months before they'd hold another set of workshops.
I wanted to smash me head against the wall, I was so pissed at my timing! I'd just found them.. and I was already late... LOL
Well, I emailed them again a few days ago, and they said they had "one spot open"!!
So I'm in!! Yeah, it's just the workshop for now, but it's headed in the right fuckin' direction at last!
Now I just have to make sure I don't freeze (I've a strong stomache so puking won't be a worry) while onstage. It's been a long time...
But I'm hopeful with the workshop routine, because I'm less likely to freeze if I'm getting to know the people I'm working with, as opposed to a case of get on stage, state your name, and dir. says "make me laugh".
I tend to get alot of laughs with my dry stuff when I'm out'n'about in Tucson or SV or Bisbee. I used to get laughs back home. Some even said I should look into comedy, or stand-up, etc.. Even happened with some Improv groups I tried going with for awhile back home.
So either they were all being really nice, which means the stage-boards are waiting for my face to hit them, or I can honestly get laughs from people!
For the sake of avoiding self-sabotage, I have to put special hope into the idea that I actually can, and that I'm going to earn meself, myself a place in the troupe. From there, who knows... The extra money wouldn't be too unwelcome... lol
Maybe that's all a bit Too Much Information, but shigata ga nai, neh?
Do mó śolad! |
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| A Wonderful Twisted Holiday to everyone! |
[Dec. 24th, 2007|07:35 pm] |
Just wishing the best of times for everyone on this holiday! (Christmas, Yule, or what have you!) <a href=http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmNvb2xteXNwYWNlY29tbWVudHMuY29t><img src=http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h86/samberlove6/merry-christmas/001.jpg title="Merry Christmas Myspace Comments" border=0></a><br><a href='http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmNvb2xteXNwYWNlY29tbWVudHMuY29t'><font size="2">Merry Christmas Comment Graphics</font></a></left> |
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| Speak of the Devil: Secretive Avian Speaks Out. |
[Sep. 29th, 2007|11:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Lost. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A big owl hoo'ing & dogs yapping. | ] |
Just a few minutes ago, I was hearing an owl out front.
We know we have an owl in the area, but she never makes herself known like was just doing.
What's even more funny, is that yesterday evening we were discussing owls, particularly regarding a strange incident I had when we first moved out here. So take an unusual topic of discussion, follow that with an unusual behavior from a secretive avian neighbor who we'd spoken of a bit in that unusual discussion ~22 hours before... heh.
My first instinct was that it was a person trying to sound like an owl.
I wasn't the only one to have that first impression, interestingly enough. heh
(We have a neighbor across the street who, when he doesn't take his medicine, is known to do some odd shit.)
If it really is an owl, it's a big one, judging by the voice.
Last night was odd. Couldn't sleep to save my life.
Come dawn, I slip into some mad dreams. I hate that. Dreaming's not my thing, I've told 'em that over n' over... :P
In one, someone was talking nonchalantly about a horrible disaster with a high death toll, and then they were putting their arm around 'me' and saying something about 'wrapping' it up with me, or something like that; the meaning was that they'd put the blame on 'me'. Believe it or not, I didn't like that dream much... *wry face*
(I put quotes around 'me' because I was seeing the dream in first person, but I've had dreams where I was looking through someone else's eyes. There's alot of sensory aspects to dreams that are almost impossible to put in writing. It didn't completely feel like me. )
The other one I remember (partly) was more scifi like, and plenty messed up, too.
I recall only the end, the beginning is all vague in my head. This one was in a third person perspective.
Some 'bad-guy', professional looking w/ shirt and tie and glasses and greyish hair, is walking quickly (not rushing) out of some facility. He's moving through techs in white labcoats who are also trying to get out. He and everyone seem to get out of the facility, but then he is teleported somehow back into the center of the facility. He realizes where he is and goes into full panic. A white light spreads throughout the facility, blasting everything.
He's not dead. What little that's left of his skin is black, red, purple, blistered and nasty.
Most of his skin has been stripped off. He doesn't look like he should be alive, but he is.
He's no longer alone, either. The round room in the center of the facility is populated by others showing the same sort of damage as our bad-guy is.
He looks at these others, as though they are a worse thing for him than what he just survived.
He tries to get through the room without being noticed, but they somehow recognize him, and slowly, as they do they converge on him. He's knocked roughly into a chair (that I hadn't noticed before)
A list of names and faces is brought up to him. The list is of dead sons, daughters, fathers, etc...
These other walking "should-be-dead" people are holding him accountable for the deaths on the list, and they're telling him how they're going to pry answers out of him, and grind him down with the list and the gruesome details of what he did and why and what came of it. He looks like he'd die on the spot if he could, to get away from what they're threatening him with. That's about where the dream disolved. Pretty over the top, seems to me. lol
It took longer to describe than it did to experience in the first place, but isn't that how it always is with dreams?
Earlier this evening, I went out to check on the big guys.
Comet (Jõngõm "youth" or Borhbos "~pain in the ass"as I call him) was standing by the water trough.
He wasn't very sociable, so I went past to Jack (Máros or Máro-Maglos "Big Guy/Prince" since he's over Comet in rank).
Jack was standing on the beginings of the Nako mound. He's still depressed, so I stood with him for a bit.
Comet's been depressed too, but his attitude's been more "you have a treat for me? no? Well then fuck you." lol
He's usually the more affectionate, but now Jack is all affectionate and needy, and Comet is more stand-off-ish.
*They don't respond to the names we were told when we first got them;
They do respond to the various familiar things I call them, strangely enough. heh*
**The owl sounded like it was in the short palm, but could've been on the branches of the big tree just a couple yards west of the palm; my fan is going and that can distort sound. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|06:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Damaged, psychologically sore. | ] |
Matis kom 'leòron.
Fuck.
Alright, this should hopefully be the last deathly depressing post for awhile. Lugos, help me out here, ah?
Just finished setting Twilight in his karnos. I can't even see nor think straight right now. Feels like my heart wants to throw up and my stomach won't stop pounding.
After getting back from the vet's office, I started digging the westward channel out of the cairn, and lined it with natural stone (which is plentiful in this rocky clay soil here). Built a box, 26"x10"x6", set Himself in a white towel, then into a bag to keep the bugs away for awhile, then into the box. Twi is laying in a sphinx position in his box, facing west.
Up til recently, we've been looking to fix up this property and house in the hopes of selling it and moving closer to humanity. But me father likes this place. Now after these recent losses... I don't want to leave Twi and Nakos here.
Back in senior year, we lost another that was important to us. We'd just recently moved from Julian to Santee, but we buried Cabbit up in Julian, under the tree in front of the house my grandmother owned. After some dumb decisions by father dearest, she sold the house, and now I can't visit my friend's grave in Julian.
I don't want that to happen again, so suddenly I'm more inclined to think about the two of them, madre y padre, keeping this place. As my business grows, more and more can be done here to make this property better. The views to the south are fantastic, aside from telephone wires etc. in the distance. It doesn't seem so bad as long as town is avoided. It's also nicer now that it's known which neighbors to avoid, unless we don't mind going to jail for being pushed to damage them.
At first I imagined that if they did decide to move and sell this place, we could at least take Twi's box from the cairn here, and I'd make a better one for him on their new property. The way we wound up putting the stones around his box makes that seem more difficult. With this new biz, I felt that we'd be out of here much sooner. Now I'm just not sure if they should sell this place. Too much is wrapped up in this property now, not just Twi and Nakos.
"Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion. Comp-li-ca-tion, Agg-ra-va-tion, it's getting to you-u." heh
I think that alone is what if anything separates us from the 'animals'; We compulsively make our lives more and more complicated. If intelligent life is to be found here on earth, maybe we should be looking at elephants, and whales and dolphins more. Sure we can do tricks, but so can a gerbil. heh.
Ok. Maybe it's making alot out of a little. I'm naturally sensitive and sentimental, although in recent years I've worn that all down to more 'reasonable' levels. Now...
1) A recent prolonged exposure to bipolarity. (if I have a third exposure, I'll wind up in the psych ward long term.)
2) Aftermath of that exposure.
3) Nakos Senos
4) Twilight Rìx.
It's like having your sense of balance completely fragged, to where even walking is precarious.
Gotta get my damn footing back. heh. Trad would be between 3-9 days of mourning before putting it aside.
At least by the Full, if not sooner, all will straighten out again.
Come Samoinos, mebbe those two will make a return appearance... heh.
Oró Katos, Uekkuaro-Rìx! Oró Senos!
'Ro-bhuejed hvaròm buetadum bualjom coui!
Bhuejad váltja d'uévje' so ô' karantes koimoì jeugsa fergoì!
Bhued samladi, ko marvui ãròm bheirômesue skuétlom hvaròm 'le'neviz!
Karájò, Karámes svenz ko' dheuedom.
Ok, bullshit venting is now over. |
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| Ungood |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|11:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
Today around 1:30pm, I'll have to take Twi in to the vet again, this time for him to be put down. He's been getting worse and worse, and there's nothing we can do or have done about it. Just looking at the time makes me realize how little is left, which makes me feel like I'm going to vomit.
14 years is a long time, and this is not the way he should have to go. He can't eat anything but milk, which gives him diarrhea, so the milk does him little good. He's thinner than I've ever seen him, bones cracking no matter how gently you pick him up. Half of his face is a mostly hairless mass of cancer tissue, which gives it a caved in look.
He still rubs that side against things when you pet him, so it doesn't seem to hurt him; It just makes it hard to eat and breathe.
I should be happy, what with my new biz, looking forward is a happy thing for the first time in years .
But these losses are quashing what pleasure I'd get from focusing on that side of things. It's even hard to just focus on the business, because whenever I look at the time, I want to just spend more time with my friend while I still can. That's actually mostly what I've been doing. Of the three of us, I feel like I'm the one spending the most time with Twi, trying to make his last hours as happy and comfortable as possible. It may just be my anticipation of losing him that's making me bitter and accusatory in my head.
Fuck!
First Nakos goes unxepectedly, and now Twi...
Rarely does anything seem more terrible than what is inevitable, that which you can do nothing to change or avoid. Like a landslide it just keeps coming closer and closer, a looming threat that will consume you. And with nowhere to run, all you can do is wait for it.
The other two horses are cuddly and sadly inquisitive. They come over to me and knock heads with me in their friendly way, then they make a production of looking toward the mess of white sand and piles of white and brown clay and sand that mark where Nako now lies. Then they'll look at me, then back at the gravesite repeatedly, nudging me towards it sometimes. They're still sad, in their own way.
Yes, they gave Nakos a hard time, but despite that and the fact that he was the lowest rank of their herd of three, he was still part of their herd. The three of them had actually come to a friendly understanding not too long ago. He wasn't expected to stand alone as much as in the past. They'd stand with him in the rains and duststorms... and to help ward off the flies.
For a touch of humour; Tuesday, the day after Nako' was buried, I went over to begin work building his cairn from those piles that were left from digging the pit. While I was doing that, I got attacked by those big fucking red ants. It Took me a few minutes before I noticed the burning sensation, which at first I ignored, figuring it was a raw spot from the denim rubbing my leg. But then it started to really burn, and I felt something(s) crawling under my pant leg.
I haven't been able to do much for the cairns because most of my left leg (knee up to the hip) has been swollen like mad for a couple of days. It amazing how the tiniest creatures can have such nasty effect on us. heh
And why is it that they seem to leave the horses alone, ah? lol
If anyone's reading this, I'd ask for some good thoughts, prayers or whatever you want to call them, for my feline friend Twilight. (So named because that's the time of day he always came to see me, back in '93 / '94. His coloration also seemed fantastic camouflage for the twilight time.)
I could sure use some myself too.. heh. :-| |
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| Tragedy double feature |
[Sep. 16th, 2007|07:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Whadda youse think? | ] |
Everything happens when it will, but painful occurances seem to cluster together as time rolls on.
Here I'll start with the most recent.
Just about an hour ago, Nako' Senos, our 33yr old Paso Fino was found laying on the ground with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, grinding his teeth in pain and breathing roughly.
My father and I tried repeatedly to lift him manually to his feet, but Nako refused each time. The most he ever did was kick his legs as from pain spasms.
I ran across the street to get a neighbor for help. He came over, and his wife called Kate, a local horse expert who performs with rescued-horses daily in town. She came over, and said what we were afraid of. She said that it doesn't seem to be sand colic, and that with his age, and symptoms, it seems that he's getting ready to pass on.
Appropriately, he went down on the west side of the house, the direction the dead follow.
He had gone down though on a shallow incline, with his legs higher than his head; Head and back to the west, feet toward the east.
Dad slipped a lead rope around his front legs and we pulled Nakos to roll so his legs were on the downslope.
That made it easier for him to breathe. All this was in cold autumn-like rain.
I grabbed the horseblankets and we covered the old guy, shoved a pillow under his head to help keep that warmer.
Kate gave him 10cc's of Banamine in the muscle to ease the pain for him.
Now all we can do until tomorrow is keep him covered, and watch him as we can.
Kate said that he could be just laying like this for days before he lets go and shuts down.
Tomorrow we'll get a vet out here. Hopefully she'll have some better news... but optimism isn't my strongest point.
Now here's the one we've been dealing with up till now.
Twilight, our ancient cat, started having dental problems and so wouldn't eat. He also had this strange yellowish hole like thing on the right side of his face amongst the wiskers.
We took him in to get him healed, and the vet said the teeth would have to come out. We were suprised because he'd always had the best teeth. I mentioned the odd yellowish 'hole' and the doctor said that the teeth rotting can lead to abcesses that break through the skin. This sounded bizarre, but he said it so nonchalantly that I was a little pissed off, until I figured that "ok, he should know what he's talking about".
Twi came home, minus some teeth and having much trouble walking. (His hind legs wouldn't do what he wanted them to do. damn drugs...) lol We fed him on soft foods ever since.
The yellowish hole started to go away with the antibiotics we were given to use, but it came back.
Vet again gave us antibiotics, and again we tried, and again it started to fade, but not completely and it came back just as bad as before!
We went back again to the vet, and I was ready to rip a vet's head off. The vet did a biopsy and told us that whoopsie! It wasn't just rotten teeth and an abcess... it was BONE CANCER!!! Silly vet...
Also, it was bone cancer that by this time had eaten away a great portion of the right front side of his skull!!
It just looked like swelling, but it was all cancerous tissue, not bone anymore.
I really wanted to do some damage to the vet, especially when I read on one of his posters that vet's should be careful, because cancer can often look like dental problem like rotten teeth and root abcesses.
If it said that right on one of the posters there for patients to read while we're waiting, shouldn't he have had that in mind from the start?!?!?!
It no longer seems to pains him much, but when it does we give him meds for it.
He drools like a fiend, often has wicked trouble trying to eat...
I've been trying to prep m'self for when he goes, or when it's decided to take him to be sent on.
I was the first one he came to, back in late '93, early '94. He's been king o'the house since he adopted us.
It's only right I guess... heh
So just when we're coming to grips with Twi going, Nako' decides it's time...
Double feature, eh?
A Ek'uona, Matre qoqùn Ek'uùn! Buì' matis d'ései... Buì' matis do mouo' karantei.. |
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| Thoughts on Judas etc... |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|12:34 am] |
I've been into apochryphal stuff for awhile now, on the theory that 'if the church hates it, it should be a good read', right?
Now there's all this noise about the Gospel of Judas.
I've heard all the propoganda about the guy, and it's easy to see how degrading his character was useful in the church's quest to pump up their policy of antisemitism.
With all this, though, I've always scratched my head about the issues surrounding the guy.
Now, whether he was the best friend of the 'christ', or just another desciple (one of the brighter ones either way), the question comes down to the same thing more or less; Without Judas, there'd be no religion based on the martyrdom of Jeshua bn Joshep/Pantera!
If the Gospel of Judas is to be accepted, then he was a good guy for doing what his teacher told him to do.
If not, he's still the good guy, because he was doing what god wanted; he was the tool god used to get his son arrested and killed! Right?
Another interesting bit is in exodus. Pharoah was about to relent and let Moses and his ppl get out of there. Then, needing a villian in his script, god 'hardened his [Pharoah's] heart'. That doesn't seem very cool. It's points like these that make me lean more towards gnosticism (of all the christian-related religions).
The church in all its various forms, owes it's existence to the famous act of the poor schlub it's been stepping on for just under 2000 years!
I'm not christian, never will be; I ask too many uncofmortable questions.
I don't put much trust in any texts, not just the judeo-christo-islamic ones.
I'm a big fan of the heart of their teachings, especially Jesus' teachings. But in reading the book, and looking at the histories, I see much that's been included or thrown out (or written in), that was politically useful to the powers or the time.
I break Jesus' teachings down to these:
1) Compassion. Love thy neighbor; Look at things from the standpoint of others. The Golden Rule.
2) Love God (whatever your understanding of 'god' may be). See the beauty and wonder that's everywhere to one who's looking.
3)Think for your own bloody self! God gave you grey matter, so Use It!
Aside from the 'will of god' theory, I still think that Josh Christ went back to be arrested because the vast majority of his followers either didn't have brain enough to understand him, or refused to listen to what he was 'saying' instead of what they wanted him to be and to do.
Also here's another question; If to better understand the books Muslims can learn Arabic, and Jews can learn Hebrew, Why won't more Christians learn Aramaic? Or at least Greek and Latin which are probably easier for english speakers? |
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| Failure of Words (tentative title) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|07:50 pm] |
Another small bit of scribbling from a couple days ago.
Often may evil be heard
in words that were spoken in kindness
How can we anticipate,
What might be made from our intentions?
No carefully chosen words
will keep some from failing to listen.
By list’ning, we understand
From understanding, ‘s evolution.
Still needs work. I'm hoping to flesh this out a bit as I can. |
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|
| Bit of the usual oddness.. |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|12:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused but curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Led Zeppelin - Dazed and Confused ;p | ] |
Tonight, lets see..
Let's go with the usual type stuff first.
A) While driving to and from SV, twice I had a car zoom up on me that wasn't there when I'd pull to the side to let it pass.
Charlston Road, gotta love it.
B) Heading into the kitchin to get something to consume, I notice a pair of eyes glinting in the dark garage, on the dog's rug. At first I figure "it's Medhbh", but "her head doesn't raise that high". Then I look straight at it, and it's a huge greyish lion like thing, with an interesting curly/wavey mane.
I made the joke to the family "did anyone buy another pet while I was gone?"
What/Whoever it was, (and why it chose to look like that), I'll probably never know, so I won't drive meself any crazier by digging into the matter.
I can guess though, that that's probably what the pups have been playing with at night for the past few weeks.
My room is up against the garage where they sleep, and sometimes there are more that 2 voices growling and playing.
Shrug, go back to sleep.
Here's the not so usual part.
Just a couple of minutes ago, I was coming back inside from hauling the basura out to the street for collection tomorrow. As I went to shut the wood door, a *somthing that seemed to've been sitting on top of the door clattered down past my shoulder and toward the concrete floor.
Apparently, it never made it to the floor.
I'd heard it and saw it as it came down. I even felt the 'wind' of a mass falling past me.
It had looked like a brown tight cluster of brush, or wickerwork. It was loud, like it was clattering against itself, if you can picture that.
The whole house heard it. Ruadh herself jumped up asking what it was.
I startled when I noticed there was nothing on the floor or on my back.
I startled because, I'm used to seeing and/or hearing things that're less than solid; but having both, plus the sensation of the 'wind' of a passing object, with no object to show for it. That's a little odd.
I'm just a little bit curious.
Also suprised that I'm writing this here, but wth. |
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quixotic